How Self-Compassion Can Help You Cope with Anxiety
When anxiety takes hold, our inner dialogue often becomes harsh and self-critical. We may judge ourselves for feeling anxious, berate ourselves for not doing better, or isolate in shame. But adopting a more self-compassionate mindset can reduce anxiety and promote emotional resilience.
What Is Self-Compassion?
Psychologist Dr. Kristin Neff, a leading researcher on the topic, defines self-compassion as treating yourself with the same kindness, concern, and support you’d show a good friend. It involves three main components:
- Self-kindness, rather than self-judgment
- Common humanity, recognizing that imperfection is part of being human
- Mindfulness, the ability to be present with your pain without exaggerating or suppressing it
Far from being a form of self-pity or indulgence, self-compassion actually promotes motivation and emotional strength. People who practice self-compassion are more likely to engage in healthy behaviors and bounce back from adversity.
How Self-Compassion Helps With Anxiety
A growing body of research confirms that self-compassion is strongly associated with lower levels of anxiety. A 2023 meta-analysis published in Mindfulness found that self-compassion-based interventions significantly reduced anxiety symptoms across a variety of populations (Wilson et al., 2023). In adolescents and young adults, higher levels of self-compassion were correlated with significantly lower anxiety scores (Borenstein et al., 2023).
One reason self-compassion is so effective is that it helps deactivate the body’s threat system. When we criticize ourselves, we trigger stress responses that worsen anxiety. Self-compassion, by contrast, engages the brain’s caregiving system, promoting feelings of safety and calm.
Self-compassion also helps reduce rumination—the repetitive, negative thinking that fuels anxious spirals. By taking a balanced, kind view of our emotions, we’re better able to regulate them and respond constructively.
Building a Self-Compassionate Practice
Incorporating self-compassion into your life starts with small shifts in the way you relate to yourself during moments of difficulty. Dr. Neff recommends simple practices such as placing your hand over your heart, taking a few deep breaths, and saying something kind to yourself like, “This is difficult. Difficult moments are part of life. I will be kind to myself right now.” These brief practices have been shown to reduce stress and support long-term emotional health.
More structured approaches—like the Mindful Self-Compassion program developed by Neff and Dr. Chris Germer—offer a research-backed path for those wanting deeper change. Compassion-Focused Therapy (CFT) is another therapeutic approach shown to benefit people with high anxiety and shame.
Anxiety thrives on self-judgment, perfectionism, and fear of failure. Self-compassion offers a powerful antidote. Instead of asking, “What’s wrong with me?” it encourages a different question: “What do I need right now?” By shifting from criticism to care, you create space to experience anxiety with less fear and more resilience.
To learn more about using self-compassion to help deal with anxiety, book a free 15-minute consultation here
This post is for informational purposes only and is not a substitute for professional mental health treatment. If you’re struggling, please seek support from a licensed mental health provider.